Friday, 10 February 2017

The Ineffable Nature Of Reality


Nothing can be found

Because of time and because of change and because parts are made of parts –nothing can be found.
The body can’t be found.
The thoughts and emotions cannot be found.
No object anywhere can be found.
The one experiencing un-findable phenomena cannot be found!
There in the middle of a radiating sky is nobody and nothing experiencing somebody and something!

Awareness Remains

And yet awareness experiences events!
Unbelievable!!!! Absolutely amazingly unbelievable!
Thoughts arise but in no way can be pinned down.
Awareness apprehends thoughts but in no way can be pinned down!
And yet the presence of awareness remains!!!
No awareness is experiencing a no-body in an un-findable environment!

Subject and Object are of the Same Nature

Even empty space is an object if something is apprehending it!
An un-findable subject is looking at an un-findable object!!!
Ha! How ridiculous!!!!
The un-findable is looking at the un-findable – they are the same thing
The un-findable is looking at itself!
And it can’t be done away with!!!


The Appearance of Stuff Remains

The experience of stuff!
Where is the stuff?
Where is the one experiencing the stuff?
No where!!!
How marvelous!!!
And oh how exuberant, how abundant, how infinitely varied and exquisitely beautiful the multiplicity of The Un-findable stuff is!!!

Mistaken Identity

The subject – the awareness watching objects Is defined by the nature of the objects like a glass that becomes whatever color you place within it.
The truth about all objects is that they can’t be found and are empty of a fundamental truth and identity. They are truly beyond comprehension and description. That is their truth – they are ineffable.
In falsely imbuing ineffable objects with a comprehended or described value or meaning at the same time you imbue the ineffable awareness apprehending them with a value and meaning –
the awareness then gets caught up with this false value and meaning, it then gets caught up in false assumptions, false dualistic thoughts about external objects and a subject apprehending them. It continues to attempt to describe the indescribable.
And a false self is born – a mask
A case of mistaken identity is then the cause of a path into further loss of awareness and confusion.

The Happy Life

If however the awareness remains unfettered by conceptions – it then knows its true nature – empty and un-findable –
Awareness aware of awareness then knows all phenomena appearing before it to be of the same nature.
And in that pure awareness is a bliss, a radiance, a joy and a compassion. The whole ineffable show is naturally imbued with joy, compassion and wisdom.
These qualities are then clearly seen and experienced in all things.
Good and bad no longer exist – the potential to do harm no longer exists –
In such a state it begins to be possible to live a joyful, enchanted, noble and happy life.

How can others exist?

How can others exist?
It cannot be explained! It is fundamentally ineffable
An unfindable ineffable awareness is apprehending an unfindable ineffable environment
The awareness affects the unfolding of the environment and it is one with that environment.
The self awareness plays  a part in creating the environment and others, but those others and the environment are also creating the self that has awareness.
 And yet there are other awareness’s involved in the same process! There isn’t one supreme awareness and yet there is nothing separate from awareness!

What an absurd Situation!

We are all one but we are all separate, we exist but we don’t exist
Objects appear but can’t be found, awareness experiences but can’t be found
The environment and others are not separate from our awareness
In fact they reflect our level of comprehension
And yet we play a part in reflecting other’s awareness back at them!
What an absurd situation! Completely meaningless, completely valueless
And yet every moment is filled with sublime meaning and divine value!


Visions, Telepathy or Ghosts?

On many occasions It would seem that I have seen and spoken to people who are already dead. I will share three such occasions with you here.  On one such occasion I was sitting in a bar in England when I got talking to the man next to me. After about one hour of simple conversation I began to have thoughts about his father. I told him that his father had died a year ago, that the man now lived on his own in a dark cold house, that he was drinking too much, and that he had lung cancer but had not told anybody.  As I told him this information the man glared at me in shock and then began to cry. It was all true and we were as shocked as each other that I had discovered this information.  Was this just crazy coincidence? Had I somehow deduced this from his facial expressions and behavior?

Another time I was with a girlfriend when her Grandmother appeared to me in a vision, she was a  little old lady and the left side of her face was limp. Before the vision I knew absolutely nothing about the grandmother. She told me a few things about my girlfriend, how she had collected birds and kept them in cages in her mother’s house, how she had been in love with an older man but eventually been rejected. She told me to tell the girl that she loved her very much and that she was not to worry, she knew that the girl was sad because she had not had the chance to speak to her beloved grandmother before she died. I told the girl all of what had appeared to me and she was shocked at the amount of information I gave her about her grandmother who had had a stroke and then soon after died about a year before. She seemed very relieved and joyful at the news I gave her. 

On another occasion I was in a café in Thailand when I kept seeing a figure at the bar near the toilet. When I turned to look at the figure it would disappear. Intrigued by this I returned to the café every day for a few weeks and made good friends with the owner and staff. Eventually I could see the figure enough to see that it was a man, dressed in a t-shirt, shorts and baseball cap, he looked sad and kept pointing to his right arm. I eventually bucked up the courage to tell the owner what I was seeing. He subsequently told me that a westerner matching the description I gave had gone into the toilet a year before and injected heroin into his arm, he had then walked out of the toilet fell over and died on the floor of the café from a Brain Hemorrhage. Apparently a lot of drug addicts gravitate to that part of Thailand and over the years there have been a few deaths from overdoses.

So what is happening here? Are the dead trying to communicate with me? Do tragic events leave a mark on the fabric of space and time? Or is it telepathy? I believe that I am picking up thoughts and feelings from the people who are involved. I sat for an hour with the man at the bar, the things I told him were very serious and obviously causing him a lot of grief, I believe he told me these things telepathically. With my ex girlfriend it was the same, her grandmother, the stroke and her death were obviously the most traumatic things in her mind, I somehow picked up on these things. And with the cafe, the owner and the staff had all witnessed the tourists death, was I picking up on their fears and hidden thoughts? What do you think? Let me know and leave a comment.

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

You Always Get What Your Heart Really Wants

You always get what you really, really, really, really, really want in your heart of hearts. Let’s say in your heart of hearts you want to live in Spain and drink wine all day, but in your head, with your ego, you want to live in New York and work at the stock exchange. No matter how hard you try, no matter what secret law of attraction techniques you employ, you will never fully achieve what you want in New York. Everything that happens to you whilst you pursue your stock market dream will be your heart trying to get you to realize what you really want.  Everything that you manifest will be pointing at drinking wine in Spain, and you might not even notice the cues and pointers because you are looking in the complete other direction.

Now if what you want in your head is the same as your heart of hearts, you will manifest your dream quickly and smoothly. Even if you do nothing and employ no goal setting or affirmation techniques you will realize your heart felt dream, just by simply acknowledging what that heart felt dream is. Now if you are in agreement with your heart of hearts and you do employ these secret techniques then your life will be a real wonderful expression of genius and abundance. The point though is that if you are not happy it is because you have not found what you really, really, really, really, really want in your heart of hearts.

This can be so difficult, especially if you are living a lie. What if all your friends and family will be against your true dream? What if your true dream goes against everything you have been told to believe as right and wrong? What if what you really want contradicts everything you have preached about for years? Do you carry on trying to hammer square pegs into round holes? Or will you follow your heart to ease, abundance and peace? Imagine if you are a Muslim or a Christian fundamentalist, you are pretty limited in what you can and can’t do; your heart is restricted and imprisoned.  In this way our families, our communities and our religions can be the most poisonous things in our lives.

True courage, true fearlessness and true spirituality, all of these things mean following your heart of hearts with complete faith.

Nervous Breakdowns are A Good Thing


What is a nervous breakdown?


A  nervous breakdown is a disorder caused mainly by stress, depression or anxiety. It is applied as a diagnosis to an individual who previously has had no mental health problems but who is experiencing anxiety to the point were they can no longer function on a day to day basis.

Nervous breakdowns are commonly caused by overwork, burnout, sleep deprivation or similar excess levels of stress. A nervous breakdown is usually only temporary and most individuals can overcome them through rest, relaxation and by removing excess stress from their lives. 

Thoughts and Emotions


Here are some ideas that might help you overcome a nervous breakdown or at least see it in a more positive light:-

Within our body we are generating thoughts and emotions, thoughts about the senses of the body, thoughts that are memories of the past, thoughts that are about the future. The thoughts, hormones and senses together form emotions. These emotions then trigger more thoughts which themselves affect the endocrine system and secretion of more hormones, emotions and thoughts, so there is an endless babble of thought, an unremitting feedback loop of thinking! A continuous communication between nervous system, endocrine system and our thoughts. Now add a stressful job to that, or stress out your nervous system through sleep deprivation or addiction or just worry constantly about some responsibility you may have:- and -bang! = nervous breakdown.

Behind this bundle of psycho-biological chatter and stress is a pure awareness, a silent watcher who is watching everything. Try to find it! Try to separate yourself from your thoughts and emotions, instead of getting caught up in them, don’t invest them with so much importance.

Pure Awareness


When we 'hear' a thought in our heads or sense a bodily sensation we may think that that is our self. Thoughts emotions and sensations are happening to the self but they are not the self. The self cannot be found in space or time, all that can be found is an endless amount of parts and processes. However there certainly appears to be awareness, or a sense of ‘I’ behind the thoughts and feelings. 

This awareness is the closest thing to a real you, the pure awareness behind the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions and indeed the body. It is this aspect of ourselves that we need to get to know deeply if we want to be happy. It is this pure awareness that is shrouded by an ocean of unceasing thoughts, feelings and emotions, these thoughts feelings or emotions can be positive or negative.

The pure awareness gets lost in the thoughts and starts to believe them. If you get locked onto certain thoughts they get stronger. If these thoughts are negative or based in worry or if they are just relentless in nature they can drain your energy and completely overwhelm and incapacitate you. The thoughts, worries and stress can become so much that you lose touch with your real self. 

The real self is a silent, still, spacious awareness, this awareness does not use up energy, in fact it is the source of your psychological energy and well being. Thoughts on the other hand are fleeting and use up energy.

What you need to learn to do is ignore the thoughts and return to pure awareness. This pure awareness is silence, silent watching, pure looking and clear seeing. We need to learn how to remain in this state of pure being. We need to recognize what thoughts and emotions really are and not let them play a big part in our lives. If we can remain in a state of pure being it replenishes our energies. Remaining with silent pure awareness is like recharging your batteries.


What Are You?


Put very simply we are bodily senses, thoughts, emotions and pure awareness. It is possible to have access to this pure awareness no matter what thoughts and stress is arising in your life. Pure awareness and the ability to remain with it is the very essence of happiness. 

Pure silent awareness is your real nature and when it is fully revealed in you, you will see directly that it is the source of the whole of your existence. However to remain with this awareness for even a second without distraction  is incredibly difficult and if you want to experience lasting happiness and overcome a nervous breakdown you must learn to remain in this state more and more. 

Pure awareness is like the sun and the thoughts and emotions are like the rays of the sun shooting out into space. To become healthy and balanced you must shift your identity from the rays of light to the sun itself.

When you do get a second of remaining with this pure awareness you get a tremendous energy and an incredible feeling of well-being, of love and of peace. A few seconds of this pure awareness and you witness yourself chuckle gently at the bubbling energy at your heart and you will become fearless and absolutely confident and brimming with joy. Most so called spiritual practices are simply different ways of coming into contact with this awareness.

The Mask Of The Ego


So how do we develop the ability to remain with this state of Pure Awareness? We have to quiet the mind through meditation and silently watch our thoughts and emotions. We have to find the one behind the thoughts and the body. The main thing that stops us from experiencing our true selves is conceptualizing, if we are very angry or very jealous we just can’t stop thinking, our thoughts and emotions are like a storm that we cannot control, we become absolutely one with our thoughts.

When we are hurt and jealous we are one with the experience and we can’t let go of it. Grasping and attachment to thoughts and emotions is the life blood of the ego. The ego is the false self that arises in dependence on a set of recurring habitual thought patterns. Getting stuck in ego - constantly thinking, worrying, planning, stressing is the cause of most mental health problems.

Someone who is utterly caught up with the drama of their own lives, with pride for themselves, hatred for their enemies, desire and attachment for their friends and family and jealousy and sorrow at loss and rejection can be called an ego maniac. They have never experienced their true pure awareness. They are lost in their thoughts and emotions. They are completely caught up in thinking and feeling. 

Can you imagine how difficult it would be for someone like this to be able to let go of thinking and return to pure awareness? Can you imagine how shocking it would be to them to realize that the ego doesn’t actually exist? That it is just inner chatter that can be ignored? What would be left of them? If you took away the strong emotions and turbulent thoughts what would you be left with? 

This is what happens when people have nervous breakdowns. Their mask cracks and falls off, the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions fully overwhelm the individual and they can no longer deal with them. Because they are so used to the movement and noise of the ego they cannot recognize the pure awareness of simply being present in the moment. 


Nervous Breakdowns Are A Sign Of Spiritual Growth


Nervous breakdowns are the sign of the beginning of true spiritual growth; they are like the forming of the cocoon of a butterfly. A deeper part of the mind is forced to let go of the endless thoughts and emotions and just stop. Leaving the individual incapacitated whilst they are forced to learn how to be present in the moment.

We therefore have to stop identifying ourselves with our thoughts and emotions. We have to take off our masks and stop playing the part, stop going along with the drama of our lives and return to who we are. We must have a nervous breakdown, absolutely letting go of everything and everyone so that we may recognize our true nature.

In order to let go of the drama we need to see it for what it really is, once we know the truth about reality we no longer invest energy into the thoughts and emotions.

To experience the pure awareness is so blissful. The problem is that even if you get a second of pure awareness you might mistake it for something else. I mean compared to the movies we watch and the music we listen to the pure awareness doesn’t even register to the senses. But if you can recognize it and learn to remain with it, every aspect of your life will begin to heal and eventually become abundant with peace, health, wealth and joy. 



So there are two difficulties: first is recognizing the pure awareness in the first place and the second is remaining with it. Nervous breakdowns are a good thing because they force you to do this. They force you to start to grow spiritually.

Playing Games and Building Sandcastles


Real happiness is when you just don’t care about anything, you don’t care but you are really enjoying yourself in the moment, you don’t care but you naturally feel goodwill and compassion towards every living being you encounter but without ‘trying’. It is a naturally arising sense of wellbeing beyond struggle, beyond ambition, beyond competition, beyond caring what people think about you. The thought of being spiritual or being a master or being more advanced than other people is absolutely hilarious too you.
It’s like sitting down after running a marathon or a hard day’s work. Or it’s like how you might feel after being on an airplane that looked like it was definitely going to crash only to land safely;  Or being reunited with your family after being separated from them for a long time. But better than this because it doesn’t depend on external factors, it is this fact, the fact that your individual emancipation, your own nirvana is yours, it’s always been yours, it was always as close to you as your nose, it has absolutely nothing to do with any form of external struggle and its free, it’s this that makes it so blissful and humorous. It’s a beaming, laughing, joyous relief, a relief that creates bliss, then a beaming, joyous relief that the bliss is yours forever whenever you want it.

Someone who is genuinely happy, a true enlightened being is like an ex gambler. Maybe he sits at the bar watching the game of cards but he doesn’t play. If you ask an ex-gambler for help, if you ask him to give you advice about your hand of cards, he will chuckle and advice you to stop playing the game and save your money. This is the same as asking an enlightened being to help you ‘succeed’ in your life. He will try to tell you to stop playing the game.

The game is one-upmanship. Even so called Guru’s play one-upmanship, they play: I am the most holy or I am the most humble or I am the most aware of the fact that I am egocentric. I once saw two monks competing with each other. Day in and day out they were both trying to be as selfless as possible, cleaning floors, toilets, taking the rubbish out, doing all of the hard and nasty work. They were both trying to do as much as possible without showing any kind of ego. Ironically they were playing a petty and ugly ego game with each other whilst trying to be free from their egos. They were playing: ‘I am more selfless and humble than you and I don’t need recognition or reward’ the only thing was that to any bystander it was obvious that they were competing with each other for the position of ‘most selfless’.

Peaceful happiness means really figuring out the black and white thing, the ying and yang. It’s realizing that it’s all a game. Being really clever or wise, or saying such and such is really clever and wise is to say these people over here are not clever and wise. The clever and wise person only exists because of the stupid selfish people. If there were no stupid selfish people there would be no notion of clever or wise. Peaceful happiness is transcending this duality. It is transcending the duality of the game of labeling reality that is played by the ego.


The sense of pure awareness that one gets in Peaceful happiness is really very enjoyable and you genuinely, absolutely do not give a fuck about anything, yet you are happy in the moment and compassionate with others. The humour that accompanies this is divine, a soft endless chuckle at your heart. Not a superior chuckle but that of a man who has realized that everything is ok, it’s all a big game of let’s pretend, there’s nothing to fear and it is hilarious. If you were at the beach building a sandcastle, would you care if it was better than your friends, or would you care that the sea will eventually destroy it? Now imagine a man desperately trying to build the best sandcastle and with deathly seriousness being upset when the sandcastle is destroyed. Wouldn’t such a man appear funny to you? The reason the enlightened don’t care about material things is because they can see the game for what it is.

Monday, 6 February 2017

Don't Fit In.



There is one message that I get from the masters and it’s: ‘Don’t fit in’

‘Fitting in’ is the big problem. Fitting in starts as soon as you’re born and it starts with your family.  Let’s imagine your family are Christian fundamentalists, or devout Muslims, Buddhists or racists, or football supporters, or members of a cult, if this is the case, from day one, you will be brainwashed into their creed.
This ‘programming’ is what sets your brain of on the tracks of right and wrong; it’s what creates your character, identity and ego. It is this false self, a self dependent on a set of bias principles which can only ultimately provide you with a fraction of the picture. We are born with the big picture already present in our pure awareness but little by little we are shut of from it and a wall of emotional trauma and emotional prejudice is built around our Buddha nature, our pure awareness. And if you believe in past lives we will also bring all of our past life trauma, prejudice and fixed perspective with us into our new lives.


To remain in the moment, not denying thoughts and emotions, not grasping after them but simply allowing them to dissolve into the spaciousness of our awareness, if we do that, we have stopped fitting in. To do that we must let go of all of our ideas about who we are and what is good and bad. We must let go and open our pure awareness into the space of the moment. If we can do this, little bit by little bit expanding into and accepting space, we can gradually begin to see the big picture. An effortless, breathtaking growth occurs as we intuitively infuse our awareness with empty space, recognizing all things to be empty. And in that vibrant emptiness is wisdom, compassion and bliss.
Let go of your false identity, let go of the crutches that hold you together. Drop your masks, one by one until you reveal the heart of wisdom that is your true self.  Maybe we wear the mask of the monk, or the football supporter, or the Christian, or the rocker, or the punk, or the nerd, or the free spirit, or the new age traveller, or the philanthropist, or the hard man, or the soldier, or the pot head, or the office worker, or the manager, or the husband, or wife, or the man, or the woman. It’s all masks, it’s all fleeting, it’s all a game. I found a blissful humour when I learned to let go of all of my masks and rest in the pure clarity of the moment, the trick, I suppose, is to keep the masks off.



Rest in natural great peace this exhausted mind,
Beaten helpless by karma and neurotic thoughts
Like the relentless fury of the pounding waves
In the infinite ocean of samsara.
Rest in natural great peace.



— Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
“Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.”



― Rumi

“There is
a time to live
and a time to die
but never to reject the moment.”
― Lao Tzu


“Meditation is the dissolution of thoughts in Eternal awareness or Pure consciousness without objectification, knowing without thinking, merging finitude in infinity.”

― Voltaire

Death and Many Paths To Enlightenment


I often wonder what my life would be like had I made different choices. I believe that if I had made different choices as a teenager I would probably be a lot different. I would certainly have a ‘normal’ job, be obsessed with money, probably have a wife and kids and more likely than not be stuck in my home town.
As it turned out I did none of these things and now I live on the other side of the planet in relative freedom, peace and joy. Maybe had I taken the other route I would be more financially secure? I’m not sure. At the age of 16 I decided that wisdom was more important than money. I believed that remaining true to yourself in the pursuit of wisdom was the meaning to life. I still believe this. Because I stuck firmly to my pursuit of wisdom and freedom I missed a lot of opportunities that would have made me richer and more established in the material world.

Some people get this, others find it abhorrent. If you say to some people that wisdom and inner peace are more important than money they will ridicule you and look at you like you were the worst kind of moron. Oddly the pursuit of wisdom and inner peace invariably leads you, eventually, to financial stability anyway. It just means you will have a long period of time experiencing what is known as the ‘Dark night of the soul’. In this dark journey you will fall into despair and terror, basically dismantling your body, your actions, your beliefs and your mind in the pursuit of the core of your being and the meaning to life.
For me to accumulate wealth and possessions seems absurd. This is because from a very early age I have been obsessed with the question of death. Death renders all wealth pointless. I couldn’t and still can’t see the point in spending all of my time accumulating wealth when at the end it will have meant nothing. 1 minute before I die it will be as if my whole life had meant nothing, none of my possessions will help me and I won’t be able to take them with me.

For me what seemed and still seems important is to face death with dignity and inner peace. Also if there is anything after death the only thing we will have to help us is our wisdom.  The only thing we really have is our state of mind. So in a sense wisdom is more material, more real than money or possessions, at least it remains with us.
So what do I mean by wisdom? The best way to describe wisdom is to describe someone who embodies wisdom. Let’s imagine an old lady who is full of wisdom. Maybe this woman isn’t very clever in the normal accepted way. If you asked her general knowledge questions about geography, history or science she might smile at you and chuckle, absolutely clueless on any of these subjects.  But what this lady has is deep inner peace and wisdom on how to live in a balanced way that keeps her peaceful and happy.

Let’s imagine she lives in a simple little house in the countryside, she has very little money, she has only a few basic dishes that she eats, she has a small family to look after and a handful of chores to do each day. On top of this simple lifestyle she practices meditation every day and holds to a set of principles amongst others such as ‘do unto others’, ‘don’t gossip or slander’ and ‘treat others with compassion’. She employs this mental discipline in everything she does, putting others before herself and always acting out of peace and compassion. With this simple life and simple mind training for the majority of the day she feels deep peace, relaxation and joy in her heart and her face is never far away from a smile and a laugh.
If you took somebody from the corporate modern world, suffering with depression or anxiety and ordered them to live with the old lady for a year and treat her as a precious teacher, copying her behavior and taking her advice, after one year that person would be healed and be in a state of inner balance and peace. This is the power of wisdom and compassion. In outer display it may seem boring and really mundane, but the subtle art of living as expressed by the truly wise, like our old lady, brings true wealth and happiness.

People who have this wisdom, this matured state of being always face death with dignity and fearlessness. They embrace death like a child embracing its mother after a long separation, for their lifestyle and wisdom has brought them to a deep fearlessness and a profound mystical understanding of the universe and the nature of mind.
To be connected to everything is to be also connected to death. Wisdom, meditation and compassion lead you to a direct realization and experience of being connected to everything, including death. At first this is terrifying and this is why most people turn away from the path of wisdom. But what needs to be understood is that with perseverance one can come to a deep understanding of the meaning of death and one can face it with dignity and peace. At that point all status, possessions, wealth and competition are revealed for the absurd empty pursuits that they are. Truly wise people laugh gently at the continuous and relentless struggle for material gain and feel compassion for the people chasing their tales trying to find it.